you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
