Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
