So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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