it was like fucking gandolphs beard
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Text me some of your sweat
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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