I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
