getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
