I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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