I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
