Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
pop tarts are not kleenex
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
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