Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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