I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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