i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
