I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I just found a bag of teeth...
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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