I'm going to rape someone's good day.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
