my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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