Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
