I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
there is puke in my bra ... again
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
