Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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