i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
