sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
