the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
But theres a keg here and me gusta
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
