I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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