i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize