You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
