Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
pop tarts are not kleenex
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
