So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
