Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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