so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
