I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize