I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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