When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
