wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize