I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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