why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
