So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
