Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
