We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
