I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
