woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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