I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
he shaved USA in his pubs
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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