$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
