the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I just googled if crying burns calories
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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