i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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