Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
