I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
