i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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