I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
