The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
