i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
