Sober January is a disaster.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
