Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
