spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
