what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
