Where did you get a picture of my penis
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
