I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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