The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Randomize
