I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
