Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
You ever have a fart follow you around?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
