I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
