You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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