There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
He kissed a someone with a penis
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
