Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize