Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
