i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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