The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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